Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
