Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
