I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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