you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
