i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
