my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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