Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
