yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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