hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
