So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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