She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm having to shit out rocks
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