I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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