I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
