sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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