Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize