Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
