K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
