i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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