I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
