Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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