Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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