Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize