Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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