what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
