This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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