i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
