Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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