I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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