i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize