so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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