I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
