Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize