I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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