Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
