You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
