oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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