Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
