Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
