just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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