I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
