State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
