They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
