Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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