girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
