I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
