I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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