Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
