i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
