dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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