I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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