Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
