spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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