remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
