I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
