I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
