What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
