you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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