well I can't set my house on fire every night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
