just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
