Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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