dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
