So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ttyl tear gas
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
