quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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