let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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