I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
