i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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