I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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