I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
