Porn is love you can see.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
