We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
