ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
