I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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