Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize