How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My dick has a subreddit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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