Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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