Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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