what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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