i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
