he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
