My first STD was from a foam party
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
