Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
