Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
